Date nights become rare after kids arrive. Most parents intend to maintain them and don't. The marriages that survive the parenting years tend to be the ones that protected this time despite how impossible it feels — and the marriages that drift apart often did so by accumulated absence rather than by single crises.
Why it feels impossible
Babysitter costs and logistics. Exhaustion (preferring to collapse than to dress). Guilt about leaving children. Feeling like you've nothing to talk about other than children. All real; all need solving rather than accepting.
What makes them happen anyway
Calendaring monthly minimum. Babysitter cooperatives with other parents (reciprocal trade). Cheaper formats (Saturday breakfast date when kids stay with grandparents). Non-date 'connection time' if babysitter impossible — long walk together at weekend.
Quantity matters less than frequency. Monthly minimum for most couples; weekly ideal. Without protected time together, relationships drift even when both partners love each other.